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Dear Random People of the Public

September 8, 2014

Our words have such impact. Countless times a day, we encounter random people as we go about our daily routines. Casual remarks and irritated responses effect these random people more than we think.

Today I have a guest blogger. My precious friend, who is due any day now with twins wrote a letter to “The Random People of the Public.”  I felt it needed to be shared so here it is.

 

Dear Random People of the Public,

Why do you feel the need to, after noticing my growing belly, tell me, “Oh my gosh, I’m sorry!”?  You are the ones that are asking me when I am due. You are the ones saying, “Please say there are two in there!” To which I reply, “Yes there are.” You then feel the need to count my other three amazing blessings that are sitting or standing by my shopping cart waiting for you to finish talking. As you count them and realize that I will have 5 kids ages 5, 3, 2 and twins on the way in front of my kids you tell me sorry!?! To which I reply, “Don’t be sorry!  I’m happy!!”

Is this what the world is? Really? I’m so not asking you to share in my beliefs or to trust God in your child bearing. But I am asking you to please stop telling me you’re sorry! How do you think that it feels to my other children as they sit and listen to you tell me that? I get that you all don’t want that many kids, and please if that’s how you feel then don’t have them. But I view kids a bit differently then you.

Yes, I’m tired and at some points borderline exhausted, but I have these amazing gifts from God! They fill my life with joy and laughter. Yes we have hard days and yes when the twins get here, going out in public will become few and far between. But I love my kids (not saying you don’t) I love spending all day with them! I love that we live in a country and state that I can homeschool them and be with them all day. Where, when someone says I’m sorry you’re pregnant again and with TWINS!!!! I can be right there to correct you in front of them. So that they know that they are loved and wanted and that they are not an “accident” or a problem!

My children were my dream for as long as I can remember. Being a mommy is all I ever wanted, and not only are they my dream they are an amazing child of God, our loving father!! And they know that.  Please stop telling me you’re sorry. If you can’t tell me congratulations after you stopped me or you chased me down in the store, then please don’t say anything at all. What you don’t know is how I longed and tried for these children for 18 long months before even being blessed with our first!  Thinking inside that I would never get to feel a child growing inside of me. Thinking I would never get to hold them or kiss their sweet faces. What you don’t know is the pain that I just went through last year of saying hello and a quick goodbye to two babies! That I felt like my heart was being ripped out, and you, random people of the public, had no idea. You didn’t see the countless nights I laid there crying begging God to give them back.  And to you random people of the public when my precious 5 year old, then 4, would tell you he had a brother and sister in heaven to which you would look at my face and tell me at least you have 3 others. Why? Where was your, I’m sorry, then?

So please stop with the, “I’m sorry.” Stop making women who have more then what you think is ok, feel this way. And please remember the classic Disney movie Bambi, and Thumper’s wonderful words “If you don’t have something nice to say then don’t say anything at all!”  And a thank you to the few of you that don’t say sorry, and that do tell us congrats and how wonderful that is; for you who notice my son and daughters and talk to them like the humans that they are. Thank you! Thank you to the cashier yesterday who was an older lady, who my son told her that she was too pretty for his eyes! As I shook my head, cause he has to tell every woman this, because in his words, every woman needs to know how beautiful they really are. He is so right. Her face lite up. She then went on to tell me I had to homeschool them because they were so polite. She noticed them and talked to them. She listened as my son told her how happy he was to have the twins on the way. And how he misses his brother and sister in heaven. And as the other cashier at the beginning of the conversation told me she was sorry I was pregnant again and I quickly corrected her and she called me, “one of those women.”  I watched her keep her mouth shut as my son talked, and I really hope she changes too.

Yes, I guess I am “one of those women” and I’m proud of it! Also thank you to my son who put me in my place yesterday. As I get nervous as to what the random people will say to me. I was again approached by one of you also yesterday. It was just my son and I this time at that store. And you also felt the need to tell me you were sorry I was pregnant with twins but that you were glad I was finally having a girl and could be done. To which I explained that I already had 2 girls at home. The look again of shock on your face and another, “I’m sorry.” Then you began to say, “So you’ll have 5 kids?!” To which I said, “Yes, 5 kids.” Then my precious son says “no Mommy, you have 7! You have 3 boys and 4 girls”! As I put my hand on his head and said, “yup you’re right baby.” you just stood there staring at me and then started talking about your child and the one growing in your belly that you are due to meet in January. To which I told you Congrats, not I’m sorry!

So please random people stop and think before you speak to any expectant or mother of a large family.  If it’s not nice, then don’t say anything at all.  Yes I have my hands full and yes I don’t look like that woman on the cover of the magazine, yes I’m tired and yes I know that I have puke on my shirts and stains of spaghetti sauce on the thighs of my pants cause that is the perfect napkin for my little ones. I may look like a walking train wreck to you on the outside, but on the inside my heart is full! I’m happy to hear mommy, sometimes half a million times a day, I’m happy that I have 3 little ones and 2 growing and moving and about to make their appearance soon!  I’m happy, NOT sorry!

Sincerely,

A happy mother of 7

 

As most of you know, I too am a mother of 5 living children. I also have 3 in heaven that I will get to meet one day. I had three active little boys when I found out that my twin daughters were on the way. They were not an accident or even a surprise. Every night my boys prayed that we would have 2. When the ultrasound revealed my little Anna and Emily, I nearly squealed with delight. It was an hour drive home from the doctor’s office, and I literally laughed out loud the entire way. The joy was incredible. That joy has only increased.

Today my sweet little twins are nearing their 14th birthday. They are growing into exceptional young ladies, and I still thank God for them every day. Five children have been an incredible, joyous journey. Each and every one of my kids is not only a blessing to me and my family but are a blessing to this world. All children are!

Be cautious with your words. Be kind with your words, and be that random person who makes a positive difference in the life of every person you come into contact with. I know my readers, and I know you are that kind of people!

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. September 8, 2014 4:53 pm

    LOVE this! :’)

  2. Becky permalink
    September 18, 2014 1:42 pm

    Thank you for sharing. It never occurred to me to say I’m sorry or any of these other hideous things she quotes people saying. Children are a blessing! I would have a million if I could “afford” them 😉 Thank you for opening my eyes I don’t really know what I say, but you can bet I’ll be more sensitive in the future. And tell her I said, CONGRATULATIONS!!!

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